About the playlist...

I'm not sure why there are doubles of some videos and why some videos are so big. I spent about two hours trying to fix it and managed to fix most of it but not all of it fixed I guess. Technology hates me. Sorry for any trouble.

Music Playlist #1 =)

So this is the first music playlist. There will be one every week from now on. These are some of my favorite songs in no particular order. Enjoy! =)

1. Just A Girl-No Doubt
My absolute favorite band. This song is one of my favorites. It has this amazing energy and is even better live.


2. Bleed Like Me-Garbage
I'm a newcomer to Garbage but they are quickly become one of my favorites. This is their self-titled single off their 4th album, which is also my favorite album of theirs. An amazing song.


3. Don't Bother-Shakira
This is my favorite Shakira song. I remember it coming out around the same time as "Hips Don't Lie" but that song was so popular at the time that it overshadowed this song, which is one of her best.


4. That's Not My Name-The Ting Tings
I can relate to this song so much. I love the lines where Katie is singing about how they call her quiet girl but she's a riot and how she misses the catch when they throw her the ball. People typically think of me as a quiet person but I talk a lot when I'm with my friends. I am also a huge clutz, I couldn't catch a ball to save my life.


5. Punk Rock Princess-Something Corporate
I became a fan of Jack's Mannequin, who will be played later in this list, after seeing them on One Tree Hill. When I found out that Andrew was originally in Something Corporate, I had to check them out. This song always puts me in a better mood.


6. Keep On Singin' My Song-Christina Aguilera
I have a secret obsession with Christina Aguilera. She is one of my favorite artists but I will never admit it. =) She has such an amazing voice and writes amazing lyrics as well. Her new album is definitely on my list to buy as soon as it comes out. This song is from her second English-language CD, Stripped.


7. Someday-Bryan Greenberg
Bryan Greenberg is another artist I have heard of from One Tree Hill. He is not very well known in music but has been in several popular movies as well as a role in One Tree Hill during the first few seasons. His second album is said to be out sometime this year.


8. Metro-The Vincent Black Shadow
I first saw this video on fuse and loved it. I went out and as soon as I found their first album, Fears in the Water, I bought it. It amazes me at how fast she sings at some parts of the song.


9. Bleed American-Jimmy Eat World
This is the title track of my favorite Jimmy Eat World album. This album and Futures are amazing.


10. You're Not Sorry-Taylor Swift
By this point, the entire world has heard of Taylor Swift. This song is sad but one of my favorites.


11. Angel-Kate Voegele
Kate Voegele is another one of those artists that are not very well known. She came to some fame after her supporting role on One Tree Hill as Mia. This song is from her second album "A Fine Mess" and is my favorite album of hers.


12. DJs-Sublime
Amazing song, enough said. :)


No Doubt cover
No Doubt covered this song during the Live in the Tragic Kingdom tour and also brought it back during the Summer 2009 tour. It is such an amazing cover that I had to put it on the list.


13. The Mixed Tape-Jack's Mannequin
Lead singer Andrew McMahon is also the lead singer of Something Corporate who was featured earlier in the playlist. Jack's Mannequin is one of my favorite bands. This is the first song I heard by them and one of my favorites.


14. Halo-Bethany Joy Galeotti
Wonderful song. I wish she was more well known. She currently has music with her group Everly available on iTunes.


15. Lovesong-The Cure
The first song I ever heard by The Cure and I immediately fell in love with lovesong.



That is all the music for this week. If you liked something you heard, you can easily buy it through amazon in the box on the sidebar. (and most of their prices are cheaper than iTunes) =)

Truth

i've made mistakes in my life. i've let people take advantage of me and i accepted way less than i deserve. but i've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry, i'll know better next time and i won't settle for anything less than i deserve.

*taken from a facebook bumper sticker that spoke to me*

Don't think or judge. Just listen.

I absolutely love this quote.
"Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in your or the world, that one song says the same, just like that moment"

It comes from the book Just Listen by Sarah Dessen:

Annabel Greene seemingly had everything: cool friends, close family, good grades, and a part-time modeling career in town. But it all came crashing down, and Annabel has spent the summer in shaky, self-imposed exile. She finds herself dreading the new school term and facing, well, everyone again. The last thing she wants to do is revisit old friendships while the losses are painful, the secrets behind the rifts are almost unbearable. Her solid family seems fragile, too. What happened to cause the stiff silences and palpable resentments between her two older sisters? Why is no one in her loving but determinedly cheerful family talking about her middle sister's eating disorder? Annabel's devastating secret is revealed in bits and snatches, as readers see her go to amazing lengths to avoid confrontation. Caught between wanting to protect her family and her own struggles to face a devastating experience, Annabel finds comfort in an unlikely friendship with the school's most notorious loner. Owen has his own issues with anger, but has learned to control it and helps her realize the dangers of holding in her emotions.

It's one of my favorites.

Poll Results

All the votes are in and you voted yes with an 11-1 vote.

Starting each Monday I will have a music playlist like I talked about in the original post. Be sure and check in to see what will be on there :)

There will also be other days that will have certain topics. Those will be decided in the next few days. They should be pretty interesting so stay looking. And tell your friends :)

Poll Voting Ends Tomorrow!!

Make sure you vote in the poll!
I will shut the poll down and announce what won at 9:30 EST tomorrow.

Go Vote Now!

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POLL IS NOW CLOSED.

Updates

Today's post is not going to be very exciting. But coming tomorrow (more than likely) will be a bunch of layout changes and other very cool stuff. be patient :D

My Personality Type

Twice in one day! You guys should consider yourselves lucky ;)

It's only just another quiz though that I just took on facebook. Reading through the results some of what it said sounded like me, so I thought I'd post.

Idealist Healer

You are introspective, cooperative, informative, and attentive. Your tranquil and reserved exterior masks a passionate inner life. You care deeply about causes that interest you and often pursue those causes with selfless devotion. You are highly compassionate and empathetic to the needs of others, seeking to bring peace, health, and integrity to your companions and to society at large. You want to heal the problems that trouble individuals and correct the conflicts that divide social groups.

You tend to be private and have a strong sense of right and wrong and an idealistic worldview. You are deeply committed to things that are positive or good and are inspired to make extraordinary sacrifices in attempts to achieve your ideals. You are prone to errors of fact as you follow your feelings more than you follow logical analysis. However, following your feelings also means that you seldom make errors of feeling.

You were often misunderstood as a child. In practical minded families, your devotion to idealism may be frowned upon and even punished. Most other role variants can shrug off the parental expectations that don't fit them, but you are greatly affected by it. You want to please your parents and siblings and, in attempt to do this, you may mask or hide your differences. This can create inner turmoil within yourself. You are often better at detecting this inner turmoil than other role variants. You seek unity of mind, body and spirit, perhaps because of the inner turmoil caused during your upbringing.

You are adaptable, patient with complicated situations, and welcoming of new ideas and information. You are impatient with routine details. As you are aware of people's feelings, you relate well with others. You are also comfortable working alone given your private nature.

Famous Healers include Richard Gere, Princess Diana, and Audrey Hepburn.

TV Shows

So I'm feeling very uninspired today about something to write about.

maybe it's the fact that my town has been covered to the ground in fog for two days or the fact that i'm so exhausted i may just fall asleep at my computer.

but anyway, my post for today is a silly quiz i copy-and-pasted. i hope you enjoy all the stupid little tv shows i've watched over the years ;)

....................................................................................................................................................................
bold the following tv shows in which you have ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime. bold and italicize the shows you're positive you have seen every single episode of."

24
7th Heaven
ALF
Alias
American Gothic
America's Next Top Model
Angel
Animorphs
Arrested Development
Babylon 5
Batman: The Animated Series
Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
Baywatch
Beverly Hills 90210 (the original)
Bewitched
Bonanza
Bones
Bosom Buddies
Boston Legal
Boy Meets World
Brothers and Sisters
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Californication
Carnivale
Chappelle's Show
Charlie's Angels
Charmed
Cheers
Chuck
Clarissa Explains It All
Columbo
Commander in Chief
Criminal Minds
Crossing Jordan
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: New York
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dark Angel
Dark Skies
DaVinci's Inquest
Dawson's Creek
Dead Like Me
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Designing Women
Desperate Housewives
Dexter
Dharma and Greg
Different Strokes
Doctor Who (original version)
Doctor Who (new version)
Dollhouse
Dragnet
Due South
ER
Everwood
Everybody Loves Raymond
Facts of Life
Family Guy
Farscape
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Frasier
Freaks and Geeks
Friends
Fringe
Futurama
Get Smart
Gilligan's Island
Gilmore Girls
Glee
Gossip Girl
Grey's Anatomy
Grange Hill
Growing Pains
Gunsmoke
Happy Days
Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
Heroes
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy
Invader Zim
Invasion
Hell's Kitchen
JAG
Jackass
Joey
Kim Possible
Knight Rider
Knight Rider: 2008
Kung Fu
Kung Fu: The Legend Continues
La Femme Nikita
LA Law
Laverne and Shirley
Law and Order
Law and Order: SVU
Law and Order: CI
Leverage
Little House on the Prairie
Lizzie McGuire
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost
Lost in Space
MASH
MacGyver
Malcolm in the Middle
Married...With Children
McLeod's Daughters
Melrose Place
Merlin
Miami Vice
Mission: Impossible
Mod Squad
Monk
Mork and Mindy
Murphy Brown
My Life as a Dog
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
Mythbusters
NCIS
Ned Bigby's Declassified School Survival Guide
Nip/Tuck
Numb3rs
One Tree Hill
Oz
Perry Mason
Power Rangers
Press Gang
Prison Break
Private Practice
Privileged
Profiler
Project Runway
Psych
Pushing Daisies
Quantum Leap
Queer as Folk (US)
Queer as Folk (UK)
ReGenesis
Remington Steele
Rescue Me
Road Rules
Rome
Roseanne
Roswell
Sanctuary
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seaquest DSV
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Six Feet Under (in the midst now)
Slings and Arrows
Smallville
So Weird
South of Nowhere
South Park
Spongebob Squarepants
St. Elsewhere
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: Enterprise
Stargate Atlantis
Stargate SG-1
Starsky and Hutch
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Survivor
Taxi
Teen Titans
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
That 70's Show
That's So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Amazing Race
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Big Bang Theory
The Brady Bunch
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Dead Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Golden Girls
The Honeymooners
The Jeffersons
The Jetsons
The L Word
The Love Boat
The Magnificent Seven
The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Monkees
The Munsters
The Office (US)
The Powerpuff Girls
The Pretender
The Real World
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
Three's Company
Torchwood
True Blood
Twin Peaks
Twitch City
Unfabulous
Ugly Betty
Veronica Mars
Weeds
White Collar
Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
Will and Grace
Wings
Xena: Warrior Princess

19039 & 175940

I can't figure out time anymore. When you're little, time seems to stretch on forever.

But now the days go by quickly while the weeks drag on so slowly. And then at the same time the months are flying by so fast you can't even see them go.

2010 is definitely going to be a different year for me. So much is going to change, and all good I hope. I will turn 18 two weeks from today and that thought is still surreal. It's crazy to believe. I remember being like 6 and 7 and just waiting until the day I turned 16 and 18 so that I could drive and be on my own. It doesn't seem like that long ago. It's crazy and scary and awesome and strange.

And then in four months I will graduate high school. And that in itself has certainly been a challenge. I was homeschooled until I was supposed to be in the 5th grade. When I was put into the public school, the principal and teachers believed that I should be held back a year. Finally last year I had had enough of being constantly put with people younger than me and many of them were incredibly immature. So I got things worked out where I will basically graduate in 3 years. I had to drop a class and move some stuff around in my schedule as well as take a class online. But now I am officially a senior and things are finally starting to fall into place.

I got into the college I wanted to go to. It was the only place I really wanted to go. In fact, it was the only place I applied. It's expensive as it's a private school, but as soon as I stepped onto that campus a year ago, I knew that I wanted to go there. Thankfully I got quite a bit of money through scholarships from the school and I should get more money from other scholarships through other places.

So this was my nostalgic post I guess :) Until next time...

011710

I'm really hoping that I eventually get in the habit of posting something daily. I really would like to make this a really active blog.

I'm thinking of setting up some stuff to post once a week that would be pretty interesting so be on the lookout for that in the near future. This is still all relatively new to me so be patient until I get used to it

Radio Radio Radio

I've always thought it would be really cool to be a radio DJ and be able to pick out my own songs to play on the radio and stuff. So I looked into doing it myself and hosting it on the internet and it was way too much money for me to be able to do. I've thought about maybe doing it in college but until then I was thinking about maybe doing something like here. The way I was thinking was kinda like the old celebrity podcasts on itunes if you've seen those. I'd have a link to the song and then say something about it. So tell me what you think in the lovely little poll that I've created below. I'll leave the poll up for 6 days, or January 22th.

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POLL IS NOW CLOSED

My Favorite Band

So I couldn't go very far without talking about one of my favorite subjects, music. I am constantly listening to music; whether it be in my head, in the car, or when I'm at home. For a long time I didn't have a favorite band, I just listened to whatever happened to be on the popular radio stations. Then I found out the name of a band whose songs I had liked years before but never knew who they were. That band was No Doubt. Since then I have become a major fan and when I get the chance I try to get my friends into No Doubt's amazing music. So here is some for those who may not know much about the Orange County band.

something that i wrote

So I wrote this in 9th grade. It was for a contest I entered and I ended up winning 2nd place. We were supposed to write about someone going through a difficult situation mentally or emotionally. When I went to the awards ceremony, the judges were even saying that it was really difficult to choose between the 2nd and 1st place winners.



Crystal Creek Mental Rehabilitation Center. Doesn't that name just sound horrid to you? It does to me. However, unfortunately, this was where I was going to be spending the next month of my life. Special thanks to Cameron for this one.

"I'm just trying to help," was what he said as they brought me here "You'll understand at the end of this month.

"I hate you," was what I said in reply to him.

"I love you too," he said while kissing my forehead.

They brought me into this waiting room. I guessed it was to see how insane you were. I expressed this opinion, and by the look on her face, shocked my mother who was sitting on the other side of the room.

After what seemed like an eternity, this old looking lady led us into this small room. "Claustrophobia anyone?" I laughed in my head. Then she started asking me all these pointless questions about my eating habits and why I was depressed and stuff like that. Her answers were me staring at her with this bored expression on my face.

So she gave up, stuck a hospital bracelet on my wrist, and got a security guard to escort me to the teen ween. The security guard's name is Carlos. He's a big, fat guy. I wanted to ask him if he had ever hurt anyone or had gotten hurt on the job, but didn't feel like talking. He stopped at a door, got out a chain of keys that looked as if you couldn't fit another one on there, and unlocked the door.

We walked into the room, which was the teen wing judging by the sign and about fifteen heads shot up in curiosity at the new girl. I looked around the room. It was pitiful. The walls were a puke yellow color and the furniture looked as if they got it at a yard sale. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that bad. A lady that looked like she was in her mid-20s stood up.

"Hood off, please," was the first thing out of her mouth. I reluctantly pulled down the hood on my jacket. She then proceeded to take me into a small room, not as small as the first but still enough to give me slight claustrophobia, for me to fill out some forms and for them to do the normal processes for new people. I won't get into it too much, it was unnecessary. By the time I was finished, everyone else had gone to bed. She gave me a slip of paper and said good night. I looked at the paper. Room seven.

I opened the door to my room to find out that I had a roommate. The lights were already out so I just climbed into the so called bed. It was all lumpy and smelled dreadful. I was tired, but knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I haven't slept in so long that I can't even remember the last night that I had a good night's sleep. Although just taking a guess, it would be about four months.

I laid back and thought about Cameron. We had met about four months ago. My friends had completely stopped talking to me and he had always been the loner in our high school. We had started sitting at the same table at lunch this year and had immediately hit it off. At least one good thing had come of this, I thought. It went all right until two weeks ago when Cam had started noticing that I didn't eat and that when I did I had to "go to the bathroom" afterwards. They today he picks me up, tells me we're taking a drive, and takes me here. I don't have a problem. So I don't eat sometimes. I just find it pointless to eat when I'm not hungry.

I finally drifted off to sleep sometime later, but as normal, it was full of nightmares. They were always the same thing. That night four months ago. It wasn't always in the same place, but he was always in it. In fact, he played the male lead in the movie, while I played the female lead.

I woke up this morning feeling the same as always. My roommate is nice though. She told me that her name is Jane and that she is in here for anorexia. She said she would help me around today because the first day is always the toughest. This was her second time here and her second day this time.

The first thing we did was get dressed, which I didn't have to do because I had no other clothes yet, and other morning stuff like brush your teeth and stuff like that. I did get to brush my teeth though, because they had these little things of toothpaste and a toothbrush too. Then we went into the same room I had first came into the night before. About half the girls I saw last night were sitting on furniture and on the floors and more were still coming in. A lady gave Jane and me both a paper. I looked at it with a quizzical expression on my face. Jane came over.

"It's just some paper type thing. We do it every morning. It just has questions like how you're feeling today, how you slept, stuff like that," she explained.

I just nodded in response. I filled it out mindlessly, not even paying attention to what it was saying or anything Then we headed down to breakfast. Jane kept pestering me with questions and finally I just started answering them.

"Okay, jeez. My name is Veronica, I'm going to be seventeen next month, and I don't know what else to say about myself. I'll answer just about anything though," I replied back. Hey, not talking is hard.

"So, why are you here?" was the next question out of her mouth. Great, I though, the one question I don't really want to answer.

"My boyfriend brought me here along with my mom because he said that I'm anorexic and sometimes bulimic. His words, not mine," I reluctantly said. I think she got that I didn't really want to talk about it so she left it alone for the time.

I picked through my breakfast tray, drinking the juice but playing with the little sausages. I tasted the pancakes though, but they tasted like they were made in bulk quickly. When everyone started getting up, I noticed that everyone had to put their plastic silverware into this little bucket.

"Why does the silverware go into that bucket?" I asked Jane confused.

"It's some sort of protection thing. So they know that we aren't carrying it back into the rooms to cut ourselves with them. It's stupid, I know."

So then we go back to the big room. I quickly learn the schedule for the days. It included thing like group discussions (same sex only), art, games, and free time (to be spent in our rooms, of course). At the end of the day after supper, we were allowed to watch TV. But certain channels were not allowed and although the youngest person there was 14, we were not allowed to watch anything above a PG rating.

Things continued like this for two weeks. When we would have to meet with our own personal psychiatrist, I would clam up. They could tell something big was wrong, I knew, because I talked freely with all of the other girls and the nurses. But when I was in that room, I completely stopped talking. It went on like that for a while until that prominent day when one of the shrinks guessed exactly what was wrong.

We had just been talking, or rather her asking questions and me not answering them, when suddenly she asked, "Have you been raped or abused?"

My eyes opened wide and my eyebrows shot up. I tried to correct it, but it was too late, she had seen it.

"You have, haven't you sweetie?" she asked.

This was when I started crying, and not just a few free tears either. I mean full on sobs. If only she knew, I thought, how long I had been wanting to tell someone. How close I had come so many times, yet chickened out at the last minute. It had happened four and a half months ago, but it was finally out there. It's not like I didn't want to tell anybody, I just didn't know how. Then it had been a while, and I thought that people would think I was making it up, that I had waited too long to tell.

Now was when I started talking. I knew what she was going to ask, so I answered every single one of her questions, even though they were still left unspoken in her head. I told her it had happened four and a half months ago. That I had been walking home from the movies because my car broke down, and he just came out of nowhere. I knew him, of course. He was the most popular guy in the school and had graduated the year before. I told her that I had started controlling my weight like I had because it was something that I had that I could be in control of. No matter how screwed up life got, I could control what I ate, what stayed in my body, and what I ended up puking out several hours later. I talked like I was a mute child that had just suddenly been found able to talk. It felt good. To finally get everything out there, and not have it bottled up inside where it had sat for what felt like an eternity.

Now it was her turn to start talking. She said stuff about being tested for STDs, which they could do here in the center, and how I probably wasn't pregnant because I would have noticed by now.

The she asked, "Do you want to tell your mom, or should I?"

"I want to tell her. I need to tell her But I want to do it in person. Can you do that? I want to tell Cameron too, if that's okay." I figured it would be better if I told her than some stranger. It would answer many of her questions, I knew.

"I can get your mother here. As for Cameron, I'm not sure. He's the one who brought you here, correct?" I nodded. "Then I may be able to get him here too. We don't normally do that but since he aided in you being brought here, then we may be able to pull a few strings."

I nodded gratefully. She then said I could leave. I walked out there into the room feeling so much better, when it hit me. Cameron was right. I was glad that he brought me here. Now, I couldn't wait to tell him that.

The next day around six o'clock, Carlos came in to escort me to the room where I was meeting my mom and Cameron. I was nervous. I wasn't exactly sure how to tell them. I was so happy to be seeing my mom and Cameron again. We arrived at the door. Carlos unlocked it and I walked in. My mom, Cameron, and the psychiatrist that had been with me that day, whose name was Trisha, were all in there.

"Oh sweetie, I've missed you," my mom said while hugging me closely.

"I've missed you too Mom. You have no idea how much," I said returning the hug with the same amount of emotion.

I sat down across from my mom and Cam. I took a breath. "You both know something is up and that I'm going to tell you what. Four an a half months ago, I was..." I hesitated for a minute, "I was raped two blocks away from the movie theater." I looked over at my mom and Cameron before continuing. They looked shocked to say the least. "I started controlling my weight the way I did for control. I couldn't control being raped, and I couldn't control all the stuff happening at school but I could control the way I fit into my clothes. I know it was the wrong way to go but I wasn't thinking clearly. I've been spending the past months denying to myself everything that had happened. And telling myself that I didn't have a problem and that nothing was wrong. I realize now that I was completely wrong."

By now my mom was crying. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

"I should have seen it. I should have realized it. I'm a horrible mother," she sobbed.

"No, you're not. No one expects you to have seen it. It's not like it was obvious or anything," I said while walking across the room to hug her.

We just sat there for a while talking until Carol came back saying that it was time to bring me back because it was almost time for bed. I said my goodbyes to my mom and Cameron and promised I would call them tomorrow.

The next two week went by quickly. I started eating and realized that I missed it, as weird as that sounds. I started talking in group and to my psychiatrists. Yet, it wasn't until the very last day I was there that I realized something. It was while I was packing up my stuff waiting for someone to tell me that my mom and Cameron were here to get me, that I realized that Cameron was right. I did understand now what he said a month ago, that he was only trying to help. I looked around the room that I had lived in for the past month and realized that this month wasn't so bad at all. I was able to do so much that I didn't think was possible a month ago. I stopped starving myself and I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom what I had wanted to tell her for five months now.

One of the nurses I had worked with closely walked into the room. "Your mom is here to get you. Now get out of here and I expect to never see you here again," she said with a smile. I picked up my bags, took one last look around the room, and left the old Veronica for the better, new and improved Veronica. The one that I liked so much better.

Original First Post

So this is my lovely little blog. :)
Expect anything coming from me. Random posts, music, whatever I feel like.
I think this is going to be fun. Hopefully I don't bore whoever may be reading these. =)



-B

New Blog...Kinda

So I decided to switch my blog over to a different site. I liked the way this one was set up better :)

I will switch all my other posts to this one and all new updates will be only through this site.